New Begining...

Rilee and I are about to embark on a new chapter in our life. She will be in daycare practically as a full time job and I will be working part time at OSH in Petaluma in the Garden Department and I will also be a full time student at Sonoma State University. I have to hopefully just be there for 2 more years but I dont know. I want to be done with school but at the same time I love having that to go to. I would prefer to love spending time with Rilee more though! I finally got my IRS check today and was able to get things from Target that I needed. I cant wait to catch up with my bills. And get things paid off and hopefully the Sonoma State Fin Aid Dept will get on their stuff by Wed and ill be an actual student with financial aide help. Ah life is good!

Independence...

My little girl has started to venture into her own freedom. I really dont know how im going to handle the day where she no longer says "gah" when she needs my help. I was messing around with a photo I snapped of her at the park... and looking at it now makes me tear up. Shes getting to be more of a child and less of a baby everyday. They dont lie when they say time flies before you know it they are grown.

Day 64 August 12th 2009

Wednesday
Last full day here. We tried to go to the beach but got lost and it was sprinkling so then we tried going to the boardwalk and once we got there it was thunder and lightning. SOOOO then we played in the arcade a little and Brenda won Rilee some stuffies and then we drove home but got stuck in hours of traffic so it was a very long day. I am exhausted and need to go to bed soon so that traveling tomorrow isnt such a pain in my ass. Eggshells today. I hate it and cant wait to get home. I miss my home.

Day 63 August 11th 2009

Today there was a HUGE falling out. It started with Nick getting upset that I made a passive remark about him cleaning up a highchair while I was giving Rilee a bath. I get mad that I come here thinking ill get SOME time to myself but its not like that. Its been tough. Doing everything. I am so thankful for his family letting us stay here and his mom cooking such great meals and his sister keeping us company while he works... but its still frustrating. You would think he would take the time to spend every waking moment with her but he doesnt.
Anyway he got mad and pushed a chair firmly in my direction to prove he wiped it down. Meanwhile the highchair tray and table were still a mess. Whoopee doo you wiped off the chair. I mean he would rather take a nap than help. Lazy ass. Anyway that led to us yelling it out and him saying he is great and me saying he should do more. I wish he understood that money isnt the cure all that shes going to need a daddy but he just doesnt get it. Ugh too much to write here about the night but it sucked and I wanted to go home and I couldnt. I hate him sometimes.

Day 62 August 10th 2009

Today Brenda and I left Rilee here with Grandma and went to Walmart and got a 60$ store credit for the carseat. Then we went to staples to get 1cent notebooks. Then we went to the verizon store that was in town but they couldnt fix my ball so we had to drive all the way back to where we were originally to the corporate store. They fixed it for free and I got a silicone case for my phone. Its a little late since its all banged up but its good. Rilee played in her pool with Grandma and it was a good day.

Day 61 August 9th 2009

Sunday
Woke up to a crappy morning. It rained last night. Cloudy all day. We were supposed to go to the shore but it was too weird out and there was warning of severe rain showers which would suck at the beach. So instead we went to BJs which is like Costco but cheaper and walked around then we went out to a place called Mason Jar which was really good. Had Penne and meatballs tonight for dinner. It was good. Gave Rilee a bath in the sink because she ate a lot and got messy! Tomorrow Brenda and I are going to Staples and then to the Verizon store and then maybe to Walmart to return the carseat hopefully for store credit that I can take home.
I am exhausted today the lack of sleep has caught up with me.
I feel horrible because I am not home with my best friend being the friend that she needs. I miss her so much and wish that I was able to be there for her.

Day 60 August 8th 2009

Saturday.
Today we went to Walmart after Nick got home and bought Rilee over 200$ in new clothes and shoes and accesories that will last her at least 6 months if not longer! It was fun to be able to throw whatever she needed into the cart without even having to add up the price. I got her new shoes that will fit and some to grow into and and some really cute cowboy boots! Lots of outfits and pants and sweats all of which will last and I dont have to worry about it. We also went to Target where we got another pair of shoes and a movie for her to watch here.
Then we went to Shannons house for a house party for her roomate Courtneys birthday. It was fun and it was cool to meet new people. It was funny to be asked what California was like knowing that its just the same as here in NJ. Friends hanging out drinking beer and laughing at stupid jokes. It was nice to be out and I cant wait for Tuesday night when I will get to go out with some new girl friends! Life is amazing sometimes and its good I have fun to look forward too.

Day 59 August 7th 2009

First full day in NJ. 6 more to go and yes im counting down.
We took off last night 45 mins late at 1055pm. Rilee was asleep in her carseat before we took off and remained asleep 98% of the trip only to whine a bit for me to hold her. She was such a trooper waiting in line and then this morning when we landed we had to wait to get off and she was so good. We landed about 715. I must have slept a bit because it went by so fast.
Nick and I havent really spoken much since ive been here. He is working the majority of the time we are here so I dont even know why we bothered coming. Like 6 of the 7 days we are here he is working. Bastard. Yet another reason why im so mad at him. He wants to be super dad and he isnt here most of the trip.
Whatever. Tomorrow we are going to go shopping when he gets home from work and then to dinner and then to a party. I am happy to be getting out of the house. Rilee screamed a lot before I put her down... I hate it. She doesnt like it here. She needs her binky almost 24/7 and at home I can go the whole day without her having it... wth. It saddens me.

Day 58 August 6th 2009

Did the SR route... got home at 630 had to leave at 730 talk about cutting it close! Amy watched Rilee all day and I got my route done and turned in in time. Leave soon cant talk much.

Day 57 August 5th 2009

Had to drive to Willits today to do the ID check again. Willits Ukiah Lakeport Cloverdale and Healdsburg. I had a hard time making the drive to Lakeport because the last time that I was there was with Wade. Ironically I got to talk to him online about it. Its weird missing him even though he is married.
The drive was long but I kept having to say that I was getting paid for it. Tomorrow I do the Santa Rosa route again. Its money and its an easy job!
Leaving tomorrow night...ugh.

Day 56 August 4th 2009

My traveling salesman came to town tonight and we went out to the fair. It was fun to actually be there with someone and not have to walk around alone. He taught me about cattle and divulged more about himself which was finally a good thing. I am sure that I am more attached than I should be... buts its almost impossible to not be attracted to him 100%.
At the fair we had bbq and it was sooo good and we walked around through the flower garden and the reptiles. It was so much fun
After we went back to the Hilton in SR and went in the pool that was supposedly heated... but they lied. It was COLD. So we opted for the hot tub instead and we relaxed with some other people and chatted then went back to his room where I laid Rilee down for a bit and she passed out so we ended up staying there.
Life is complicatedly fun. :)

Day 55 August 3rd 2009

I worked today from 600 on. Heather needed me to watch the kids while they went out to dinner with their friend from out of town. Its good to have a little bit of money coming in when I have things to pay... I hate life right now with the endless battle with finances. 3 more days until we leave.

Day 54 August 2nd 2009

Church today. We will be missing it next week due to our NJ trip. Rilee was in a mood today and I had to sit with her in daycare again. I wonder if she is getting some teeth? Not much else happend today. Hung out with Ryan.

Day 53 August 1st 2009

Amy Rilee and I drove out to the beach today. It was amazing being with my girls and not having a care in the world. We went out the long way and ate lunch on the landing and then went a little further down the coast and went in the sand. My big girl "swam" through the sand and it was so cute. Shes sooooo smart. Amy and I buried her in the sand and she couldnt stop giggling. I have such an amazing child its unbelievable. We leave in not too long for our awaited trip to NJ. Wonder how itll go.