Day 52 July 31st 2009

Sitting in Ryans house right now watching the boys while Rilee is with Amy tonight and Ryan at the grocery store. I guess he is making something for dinner. I am going to try to go out and do something tonight going to see if anyone wants to go with me! I need to get out for a bit.
Maybe ill drive myself to the casino for a couple hours... spend 40 bucks. I dont know I just to get out of sync with life. Something to take my mind off of the shit.
Amy is the greatest thing ever aside from Rilee to happen into my life. I love her to death.

Day 51 July 30th 2009

One more day left of daycare until the summer break.
I am no longer engaged and I am having a hard time dealing with it. Nick decided to hide a lot of things and to lie and I just cant take it anymore.
This was his last chance and he gets no more. Fuck him. I am so hurt and angry.
Went to Amys house for dinner had burgers went to the town green with rilee and then went back and listened to her sing while we made chantelles birthday card.
Its good to have friends that care!

Day 50 July 29th 2009

Wed
Rilee was in school today again. 2 more days until her summer break. I went out to Friar Tucks with Jeremy and CJ tonight. Ryan watched Rilee for me. We played darts and it was fun to get out and do normal things.
Jack asked me today if I was marrying Nick out of desperation. It made me think...

Day 49 July 28th 2009

Rilee went back to daycare today and its her last week until my school starts. She loves her school so she might miss it but its just a month! We go see Daddy soon which is exciting for me because I have a new mindset towards him now. Planning my wedding is so much fun! I love all the ideas that im getting but I am for sure going to make sure we are able to pay for it and if not we will just push the wedding date back. I want to be able to afford it and not skimp on what I want.
Amy stayed until about noon and we watched another movie that ended weird but it was better. I am watching Babel while I write this right now.
Rilee and I went to the fair tonight. It was fun just my girl and I but next year Daddy will be here too. We took another photo booth picture and I have made it a tradition. Hopefully it lasts throughout the years. I had fun.
I am going to get back to my movie not much else to write.

Day 48 July 27th 2009

Monday.
Amy came over tonight to watch a movie and we actually watched one. The king. It was weird. But good I guess.
We didnt do much wedding planning and we went up to Ryans house to play rockband. Not much else really!

Day 47 July 26th 2009

Church today was awesome because we had a change of scenery. Instead of it being scriptural one of our churches missonaries did a presentation on what he and his family do for God. They live in the Phillipines in a house in the jungle and help the sick and teach Gods word and they know 4 languages and are very inspirational. I loved seeing the way they live and wish that America would adopt those ways of life. There wouldnt be a budget crisis. We wouldnt fight so much and crime would go away.
He also brought some bracelets from a little girl over there that was going to be a prostitute but she now sells them. So Amys mom got us each a couple. They are awesome.
Then we had a potluck where my child showed off her eating abilities and consumed massive amounts of watermelon which previously she hasnt liked and raviolis. Needless to say she is a bottomless pit. Then after Patty took me in back to shop at our food bank... which is wonderful because I am able to supply Rilee with enough food to fill her every meal. It makes me happy and very thankful that there are such programs for us to use especially one from our own church. I wasnt too happy with Ken for his poor attitude and unwillingness to help an elderly lady carry her box to her car because he wanted to get more food for himself. It made me sick to my stomach. We are in Gods house and he has provided us with this food that by golly there was PLENTY of and only me and 1 other person in line... and he was the only man around. If I thought I was able to carry that huge box for 4 people for that lady I would have... and I wish that others had the same mindset. If something of that nature happens again I feel as though im going to have to mention something.
Next step is becoming a member of the church/going through couples counseling/ and getting Nick out here.
Amy came over tonight. We went to Lowes to get some paint swatches which we then converted into 5 matches of blues and pinks and put them on my wedding board. We have decided on a casual theme... laid back cool and simple. Its about the meaning not the "stuff"
EremyJ came over tonight too and we talked about my past and just about weddings and life and its nice to have someone to talk to thats going through things too.
Life has been good to me and I hope that soon I am blessed with a job and a tax return so that I am able to start saving for my wedding! WHOO HOOO im going to be married! 6/18/2009

Day 46 July 25th 2009

Day 1 of the wedding plans. Whoo hoo. Its Saturday and im not sure what to do with myself! Rilee and I stayed home really and didnt do much. Should have cleaned my house but didnt. Amy is coming over tomorrow to wedding plan after church. Let everyone know that Nick and I are doing it and I am very excited. Lots to do and plan and think through.
I have faith that if we do it the right way that he and I will last through anything. Why would I pass up a chance to have the father of my precious baby girl in our lives again? We are both willing to put forth effort and work through most anything.

Day 45 July 24th 2009

NICK AND I ARE ENGAGED!
Meaning my future husband and father of my child will soon be coming out here and we will become a happy family and prepare for a wedding. OMG I get to plan my wedding!
Rilee got shots today. UGH that sucked but I learned that she is 32in tall and 23lbs 7.5oz. Shes such a string bean I love her. Because she was so upset after the doctors we couldnt go to the river so we came home and she napped and I guess so did I. Then we went to the store and got some things for dinner. I cooked bbq chicken and cucumber salad and some angel hair pasta. It was sooo good. Gave Rilee a bath and then put her to bed.
Amy came over again last night and we played more Mario Party. Now its official we are addicted! I love her so much. Brent also came over last night and brought me "be happy" burger king and made me try some soy ice cream that was really good! I love having good friends.
I am exhausted today though. Lots of emotional thinking that ive been doing. Lots more ahead....:)

Day 44 July 23rd 2009

Well today was a long one! Amy spent the night last night and after I took Rilee to daycare which I was late picking her up from...ooops. (my day was weird) we made breakfast from the leftover veggie and some eggs. It was yummy. I cant wait to get a job so that I am able to start cooking and baking more.
So the dishwasher came and was installed and the whole time Amy and I just stayed in bed talking. So much for sleeping in. Then we played another round of that Mario Party nonsense and cut our play time down! We are addicted I believe. And then... I went to get an application to hopefully work on campus which ill be dropping off tomorrow before I take Rilee to the doctors. Then I think that I am taking the both of us out to the river to have a mommy and me day. We havent been in awhile so I think that its about time that we go! I love doing fun little things with her. I think this saturday we are going to the SF zoo with Rob and his daughter buts its not finalized yet. I hope that I get a job soon.
OSH never called me...so that means that I didnt get a job. Screw this economy. UGH

Day 43 July 22nd 2009

Rilee is 15 months old today. I cant believe how much time has passed. She is getting so big. Amy came over tonight and we played way too many hours of Mario Party. Jeremy and his friend CJ came and hung out for awhile too. It was fun to just laugh and talk with friends. Amy and I both agree that CJ is out of line with his sex talk but thankfully I can just tell Jeremy to never bring him to my house again!
I love how since Jeremy and I are friends that Debbie thinks that im some bitch now. He is about to get married yes.. but that doesnt mean that he cant have friends that are girls. UGH this world is so messed up sometimes. Anyway Amy and I made dinner. Steak and broccoli and I made some yummy potatoes in the oven. It was fun and delicious.
The night was long and ended with Amy having a "friend" over. He was "nice"
And we tried watching a foreign film but that didnt work so well!
Quote from this evening that I love
"Im kinda bigger I hope you dont mind"

Day 42 July 21st 2009

OMG my daughter is going to be 15 months tomorrow. She is growing so big. Rilee got to see Jack again today. Its been about 6 weeks he said since he has seen her and she has obviously grown a whole lot. He loves seeing her! Today was an easy therapy session as there hasnt been a lot of negative shit to deal with. Still waiting on him to get in touch with Kim but shes dodging him apparently because from experience I know she checks messages daily. Stupid bitch sometimes. Anyway what did I do today? Oh yes. We got Spooka back. Rilee went to daycare and I cleaned...no no super cleaned the kitchen. Found out that im getting a new dishwasher and hopefully some sort of AC unit or maybe they will get me a fan?
I wish I had a bf. I hate being lonely. And tired of watching movies alone. And tired of cooking for 1. When will this turn around?

Day 41 July 20th 2009

Holy Crap am I tired. Work today sucked. I get there and find out that im not qualified because I am not bilingual. If the program wasnt helping kids that have disabilities I would have a bigger problem than I do. I mean its not fair that I cant get a job in my country because I dont speak another language.
Anyway so I got stuck filing and cleaning up ants today. WOW. What a job! But I got paid and tomorrow I am going to do more searching and clean my house from top to bottom and just have a me day. I think Wednesday I am going to go to the river alone but we get our kitty back from Angie cause she cant take her with them! Yay :)
Spooka is coming home. Thank God.
I am too tired to stay up much longer ive got to go get my flickr updated.

Day 40 July 19th 2009

Sunday. YAY right?
Well last night I was up for way later than I wanted to. Then tonight was my BBQ. Which came after I went to church to drop Rilee off with Amy then go to Aarons birthday party for a little bit then come home shower and get ready to go.
I am beat. Exhausted. But truck on to my bbq. Not too many of my friends showed up surprise surprise. Met some new friends and genuinely had a good time. It was a very late night and I have to work tomorrow early. OH man im dead

Day 39 July 18th 2009

Today was a very hectic day that ended in tazing shows! So Rilee and I chilled inside most of the day before Jon had his bbq. We were all out in the parking lot like we always do having fun drinking beer and just being jolly. Went with Jeremy to SR to get his cousin and when we came back there ended up a fist fight between Debbie and Leta. Girls fell to the ground punching and bloody and when Chris pulled Leta off she punched him and then he pushed her into a window. Then she called the cops and they came and when a couple was walking back to their house they didnt stop for the cops so they tazed them and then took them to jail.
OMG what a night!

Day 38 July 17th 2009

Today Rilee pooped on the potty by herself! We were in the shower after dinner and she was acting like she had to go so I asked her if she wanted to go potty and she said yes. So I put her on and she put her hands on the side and we talked a little bit then she pooped. And she got really excited and wanted to turn around to look at it! I am so proud of her. So I went and got her a potty seat and some big girl underwear which im am sure she wont be wearing for a long time but they were cute!
I am going to just start this weekend putting her on every hour and see how it goes.

Last night Amy came over to watch The Invisible and it wasnt as good as it sounded. Before our movie we decided to go dumpster diving and we got a helmet and cassette deck thing! Then we decided to try to assemble the tent that I got at the garage sale a couple months ago and it was massive. It didnt fit in the backyard so then we tried in the living room. No such luck. So through much laughing and moving things around we settled for defeat and watched our movie! I love my Amy.
I worked today and have a job with Manpower next week being an aid. I cant wait it pays well and itll be fun to do something new. I should hear from OSH as well. I like this day!

Day 37 July 16th 2009

Well lets see what I did today.
Laundry.
Babysat a full day for the first time in...well a long time.
Folded clothes.
Made Heathers bed.
And picked Rilee up from daycare early ate dinner with the Yates and then gave her a bath there. She is now happily asleep which I almost would be but... well Amy is coming over!
For Hilarium and Scarium cause we are watching The Invisible which I just got from Netflix. It seems like its going to be good so I hope it is. I better find some jammies to put on! And see if there is any good food going on in my kitchen!
Boys suck by the way!

Day 36 July 15th 2009

Day 36? Holy crap where has my life gone.
It seems to just be wasting away. Another day Rilee gets older. Another day of worry that things are getting paid or done or thought about.
Ugh.

Mary and I went to get the last of our party things. Went to the farmers market and the grocery store(wic vouchers) and finally broke down and went to the food pantry. Why the hell havent I been going there before? I really need to start doing that more often. Free food and I dont feel bad about it because I have a child that needs to eat and I dont have a job. However the lady behind me in line drives a fucking hummer to the food pantry. WTF. I think im going to go rent a porche and go next wednesday.
I hate how people take advantage of shit that is meant to help the ones that could only dream of taking advantage of anything.
Tomorrow I work. Which is good because maybe finally I can start paying some bills off? Ha thats almost a funny joke but I really need to start doing something more than making it. The IRS is supposed to be sending me a form to correct my taxes so I need to keep watching the mail and I found out that today I cant be disenrolled from SSU so its just a matter of time before things are taken care of. Fingers crossed and praying that it all works out in the end. I think it will I just need to be patient.
Life is like that sometimes... a rush to wait.

Day 35 July 14th 2009

Holy crap was today hot. 101 degrees up on Heathers hill. I went and saw Jack today and about died walking across campus in shorts and a tank top. It was a good session. We talked about my difficulty with not being able to understand why things happened. Its not that I dont understand what happened its that I dont get WHY those things happened. Hopefully soon there will be a breakthrough or ill be able to maintain sanity trying to figure it out.
Worked 2 hours for Heather today which sucked but I didnt have to do anything because the boys were sleeping but it was sooooo hot. I should have taken a nap but now im wide awake with "life" occupying my mind. Oh how I wish I was able to sleep at night. Maybe I should see someone about it but I dont want to start taking drugs because then ill worry about Rilee and not being able to hear her or anything else bad that could happen.
I think that tomorrow I am taking Rilee to the river because its going to be really hot and I dont work. So it should be a good day for the 2 of us to get out there and have some water fun! Either that or ill try the water hole at Howarth Park. Who knows how I feel when I wake up in the morning... oh wait... crap Rilee is in school tomorrow. Maybe ill go tanning at the river all by myself? That would be wonderful and I wouldnt have to worry about her at all. hmmmmm decisions decisions.
I havent decided if I should look for more work or wait to see how recent things pan out. I need to call the IRS tomorrow though. Before I do anything I have to figure out where its at so I dont get booted out of school. I will be so heartbroken.
Its still hot tonight im sticky with sweat and am debating a cool shower before bed. Thats sounding pretty amazing right now.

Day 34 July 13th 2009

Today was a good day. I went to the OSH interview and think that I did well. There are 300 people and only 60 jobs so ive made it pretty far! It would be nice to have a job lined up for after school starts but im not going to hold my breath on that one.
Rilee was with Amy and her cousin this morning while I went to the interview and then I met Laurie for coffee to catch up on life. Then I met Amy and Taylor at BK to eat lunch and have a million and 2 giggles. Its always funny with her.
Came home and took an extensive nap with Rilee and when we woke up we went to Costco with Brent to get the stuff for this weekends BBQ. I cant wait to have a grown up party! Rilee will be with Amy so that should be fun!
Nothing new really about anything else. Its really hot lately and even right now I cant sleep cause im sweating. I hope that I get the air conditioner fixed really soon. Or get a good fan. I got paid today from Manpower. Came out to be almost 70 bucks. I should do that again! Money money money. I should probably keep applying for more jobs but I havent gotten around to it. I have to call the IRS tomorrow to hopefully get financial aid settled in. Too hot to have my laptop on my lap so im signing off for now.

Day 33 July 12th 2009

Sunday
The end of the week. Tomorrow im going to the Orchard Supply interview and Amy is going to meet me to take Rilee with her to the JC while I go to the interview. Then Laurie and I should meet after for coffee or something.
Rilee was having a rough day at church today and I soon learned out why. She slept from 1130 to almost 3 because she was so tired!
Brent came over... woke us up and we went to Marys house to party plan for our BBQ this coming Sunday. I am excited that we went to great lengths to plan something fun!
I also got ballsy and wrote her hot roomate Evan a note hopefully leading to at least one date! That would be amazing because he is nerdy and cute and smart and funny and somehow ive been pulled towards him since I saw him at Marys party she had awhile ago! We will see I left it on his computer!
Dorky I know but it was fun.
Rilee went to bed immediately when we got home because she was soooo tired so tomorrow ill feed her some more in the morning. I love my baby girl and I love with people comment on us together or tell me just how cute they think that she is. Its a good feeling and I love knowing that they can see that im doing my best. Life is good... one step at a time!

Day 32 July 11th 2009

We went to the river the entire day practically with Doug and we were supposed to meet Ryan and his boys and his cousin Rusty up there but they decided to camp in a cabin and I didnt have the money to fork out for a 90 dollar crap cabin just to camp. So we hung out and I met dougs friend jeffs gf Amanda and she is really nice. She has lost an arm due to an accident a long time ago but she does well and is very inspirational.
Rilee got to sleep over at Amys which allowed me to go to Jeff and Amandas trailer and have a bbq and hang out with some food and beer and music. We were going to go out to the bar but I wasnt really feeling like it so I can home and showered and went to bed. It was nice to not have to worry about Rilee because I know she is safe and Happy with Amy. I like that ive found someone that has given me a chance to breathe every once in awhile.
I cant wait until school starts. I am very excited but am afraid that I will be disenrolled because of lack of fin aid nonsense. This week ive got to call the IRS and school and hopefully work things out.

Day 31 July 10th 2009

Today Rilee and I went to Mortons Warm Springs which is a mineral pool rec area. We went with Heather and the boys and Grace was there with her camp from gymnastics. Rilee didn't like it much but it was just because she was exhausted and sensory overload. She would sit in my lap and we would lay in the water but she didn't want to be alone. At one point she fell asleep in my arms and took a nap on the lounge chair. Then when we got home she slept for a couple hours and I ended up waking her up to give her some medicine and milk to try to get her full enough to sleep through the night. We both got super tan today and I got a little burnt on my face but I liked it. Ill take Rilee back again when she is well rested.I'm so tired.

Day 30 July 9th 2009

So today I found out I have 2 interviews next week. OSH and Boys and Girls Club Windsor. Yay me. And hopefully tomorrow I meet with with Bob to get the coupon stuff done. Maybe life won't suck so bad soon! I really hope so because its been bad for awhile. Rilee had a better day today and right now we are at Darren and Djs house watching a movie and eating pizza.

Day 29 July 8th 2009

Just now realized that it was my moms birthday today. Maybe that's why I was in such a sour mood? Not like the day went well at all anyway. Jason from the OSH thing made plans with me last night to hang out tonight and completely flaked. Not a call or returned text or anything. This guy I was friends with named Chris Rosano decided he didn't want to be friends anymore so he deleted me off his friends list and won't return my contact efforts. This coming out of the blue. I only worked 3 hours today and Heather made it seem like tomorrow won't be any better. I was supposed to be on Sids soccer team today but he texted me last minute and pretty much told me to hit the road they got someone new. Fuck people treating me like shit. I'm so tired of being hurt. Today was a very hard day. Here's to hoping tomorrow is better and not so tough to wade through.

Day 28 July 7th 2009

Wow was today crazy! I went to a job fair for OSH. Which turned into a long wait (3hours) for a short interview (3 mins) But if I get a good job out of it then thats wonderful! I also signed on with my friend Bobs company which sells coupons to companies. I get to try out my selling techniques. I hope that I can do well as I would love to start making some money and I can mostly do it on my own time. That would be awesome I just have to learn to be more pushy and assertive. I think I can handle it and if nothing else I gave it my best shot.
Saw Jack today. He is going to try to get my records from my past so we can start tackling the hard shit. It would be nice if I could breathe easy one day because I was able to put something behind me. I hope something positive comes from the past issues and it doesnt just stir up shit. Its already hard for me to think that hopefully soon we will be in possession of my records. If she still has them that is. I think im going to try to get them from Alan Springer too from PCS. Its about time I buckle down and get on with my own life instead of living through everyone elses.
For some crazy reason when I gave Rilee a bath tonight she had a serious meltdown. As in she freaked out and jumped out of the tub and screamed bloody murder. What the hell happened to my water baby? I hope this was just a 1 time thing and not something crazy but she has started hating to get in the car too. I hope that I didnt start her in daycare too soon and she thinks that im abandoning her. That wouldnt be good at all.
So im working on things in my head. I have a lead to a job. I met a funny cute guy at the OSH thing today. And I am working for Heather a little this week and next.... life wasnt so bad today!
The cutie I met is only 18 though.. but he is nice and funny so we will see! Slow and steady wins the race!
Tomorrow I finalize things with the manager for the coupon company and hopefully I can get a portfolio together this weekend and get out there and sell sell sell. It would be nice to at least make enough to get a car payment a month! Or something!
Amy comes back thursday... I have a soccer game tomorrow night... and hopefully Mary and I are having our "singles" bbq on Saturday. I need to stay focused and harbor this positive energy. Itll all work out for the bestest! And if this coupon selling job works out... I can work it into my schedule if school pans out. And if not I can work at OSH and this side job. But if it works out REALLY well then I can do it full time on my own time! YAY me.
I am about to go eat my pudding I made and watch a movie. I wish I had someone that wanted to cuddle... but in due time. The right man will come along soon enough and he wont be able to get enough of my cuddles. Life is good. I just need to make sure I keep remembering that.

Day 27 July 6th 2009

Today was awesome. In the kinda crappy lots happened sort of way.
I did my secret shopping and got chased by some crazy people mad that I caught them doing something wrong.. then I talked to the guy that I had to report to and he was so funny to talk to. If only asking someone on a date over the phone wasnt a breech of their job! Then I went to get sushi alone which is always crappy to do but I enjoyed my quiet time without a mess and having to talk to someone.
I went to pick up Rilee and she was a mess so I brought her home to nap. Though walking in my door was a 3 day notice that said either I have to get out or the kitty has to go. So I texted all my friends and Angie and CJ were willing to take her and now she is a happy kitty on a farm in Forestville until they move to Idaho for CJs schooling. So thats sad but good news that Spooka and punkie have both found new safe loving homes.
Tomorrow I see Jack at 12. Probably going to do some house cleaning up after the kitties and put laundry away and vaccuum and put the dishes away. Get things in order while Rilee plays at school. I really hope that my financial aide comes through sometime soon or ill be very sad. I want to be back in school very much.
I miss friends. Amy comes back soon and this weekend Mary and I might be having a singles BBQ which would be fun. I will have to find some people to invite. Itll be interesting.
Anyway its about movie time. Life will pick up soon. Seeing Jack tomorrow will be good and since im not going to the lake since the person I was going to go with is a jerk.

Day 26 July 5th 2009

Today I didnt get up in time to make it to church. Instead we went to SF and went to the Aquarium and walked Pier 39 with Jason and Alyssa. It was amazing to hang out with them again knowing that hes going through some tough times and that he still considers me to be a friend. I love him and Alyssa to death and just want the best for him.
The aquarium was amazing. We had tons of fun even though it was small. We walked through 2 huge tunnels of fish and sharks... saw some Jelly Fish and pet some sting rays and tiger sharks. We had fun walking and talking along the pier and Rilee got to ride her first Carousel.
We went to dinner at this cool little surf style restaurant and the guys sitting next to us were foreign and not only were they cute they also thought Rilee was adorable! If only I could hear all that they were saying translated into english!
Tomorrow is a big day. I get to secret shop. And then on Tues I am going to the lake. YAY. I think Rilee is going to go as well. I cant wait to finally be out there even though its probably going to be a bit chilly. I am very tired from a long day and I think that im going to turn in. Back to the job hunt tomorrow after I finish secret shopping.

Day 25 July 4th 2009

Happy 4th of july to everyone around. Not sure who is reading this or how your day is going or going to end up but happy independence day anyway!
Today Rilee and I went to Kris and Denise's house to celebrate. We were going to go to Red White and Boom but it was more fun to spend it with people rather than alone. It was nice to meet some new faces and laugh and joke and smile.
Dinner was amazing with bbq chicken and tri tip and beans and salads and beer. I actually drank some tonight! YAY me. Moving up in the world.
It was a late night and I got some sun. Took Kris to get beer at like 12 and it was insane trying to get the guy to sell us some but finally he did. We had a bonfire and played horse shoes and even got to see some of the fireworks through the trees. I always love hearing the sounds of the pops at night.
Next year I think Rilee will be old enough to go see them. :)

Day 24 July 3rd 2009

Friday

Rilee had a run in with the door today and I had to take her to the ER where I was sure they would stitch her closed but instead they used glue. Which is great supposed to heal it better and life goes on. Well he said it was waterproof and it was ok to shower and so I washed her tonight and actually left the bandaid on and decided id clean it next bath. Well I took off the wet one to put on a dry one and the glue didnt even stick in the cut. It was on the bandaid and came off with it…therefore immediately starting to bleed again. I really hope it stops itself ive got a nifty one on there now that holds the blood inside. I feel bad for my baby.

I am babysitting right now. Its been a long day and Rilee doesnt want to go to bed yet she just screams and cries so im going to wait until I put the kids to bed at 9 and lay her down and let her CIO. Shes been a tough girl today and barely cried with her head wound. She didnt like me pinning her down to glue her though. Heather and Mark are going to be out late tonight so itll be good to get paid a decent amount.

I might be going to the lake on Tues but nothing is final. Itll only be if I dont work but Heather isnt sure yet. I kinda hope I get to go to the lake I havent been in awhile!

Nate doesnt want to be with me. He said that hes sure hes not the right guy for me and doesnt want to put forth any effort into it. Well I guess I should have said ive seen it coming. I hate this process…waiting until they finally realize they dont want me. Only to tell me that they dont think they are good for me… when in reality if I like someone I do think they are good enough. Duh right? Where the hell did the decent men go? I swear when I liked being single they were all over the place. Now they are either taken but then again even the taken ones are dirtbags. Fuck. Life is dealing crappy men lately. I think I want a reshuffle.
Its almost time to get things ready for bed and kids settled down. Tomorrow is the 4th of July and I think we are going out to the river and then to Red White and Boom. Last 4th Rilee was only 4.5 months old. Sounds crazy to say that now that shes almost 15 months. Man have things changed. Potty training to ensue soon!

Day 23 July 2nd 2009

I worked today. It was nice to know that ive got money coming in. The kids were good today and we picked up the house. Rilee had a final day of daycare until Monday when I get to be a secret shopper. We are going to eat dinner here cause Heather is making spaghetti and it smells really good! I got my laundry done…and folded and im happy that my house is clean and my clothes are clean. Life will pick up soon. I know it.

Day 22 July 1st 2009

Saw Jack today. It was a good session. I got to talk without the burden of Rilee and I got to realize that I have a hard time letting go of the past. Past situations… Past relationships… Past anything that I can remember. I wish I was able to get over it so that I could move on in my life. I hold onto everything and compare everything. It would be nice if things were easier to deal with.

Rilee did good in daycare except for her crying at meal time.

Went to Wednesday night market with Darren whom I havent seen in a long time. It was good to catch up and see him and DJ again. I might help him coach DJs soccer team which would be really good. I would love to get back into coaching. Wed night market was crazy and insane and run down with teenagers. But it was good to get out with Rilee and enjoy the night. We went to Applebees with Darren and DJ and it was a good night.