Day 1 June 10th 2009

I am hoping this is the start of a new beginning. Maybe through journal/blogging I shall get the support and comfort I need to heal and be able to move on. Just recently I have found that I am not quite over the break up between my daughters father and I. I am over him that isn’t the issue. I am just not over the initial separation from the man I thought I was going to marry. I have dated since. Nothing spectacular or I probably wouldn’t have time to be dwelling in this sad thing I call my love life… or lack there of.

I got my blog inspiration from Matt Logelin whom lost his wife tragically. http://www.mattlogelin.com/

I didn’t lost my spouse the same way but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard or I don’t have a difficult time dealing with it. Hell at least he has the peace of mind that she is gone and he can do his best as a father. I am stuck with the thought that he isnt gone… but since he isnt around and doesn’t do anything to be there for Rilee he might as well be gone. Its sad how much one person can change your life such as a child and how you would do anything for them in an instant. At least that’s how its supposed to be but there are the people (Rilee’s Father) whom could care a less if she exists. His life is more important than hers. He doesn’t know how much I struggle to take care of her. How expensive diapers are. How hard it is when she is hurting or sick or just wanting to play and you don’t get to sleep. I called him not too long ago telling him I didn’t have money for diapers and he said “that sucks”. Yea it does fucking suck. Too bad somehow you got out of the responsibility of her. Of making sure shes taken care of. Don’t get me wrong he pays child support. But id rather him be here for her. to play and laugh and hug and love her. Instead of claiming its possible to do all that 3000 miles away. I don’t have family either. Its just me and my girl. Alone.

So I ask you other single parents… how do you do it? How do you make it? Any advice?